NKDS

His pure concentrated GARness is too much for Georgia.

First, he went topless while fishing at the Yenisey River, causing fangirls worldwide to scream in ecstasy at the sight of his well-built body.

Next, he dispatched an adult tiger with a single tranquilizer dart. Word has it that when the Tenori Taiga heard the news, she cried in fear and jumped right into Ryuji’s apartment and into his arms, entering her full-powered dere-dere mode.

Now, the world’s GARest leader, Russian superman , ex-President and current Prime Minister, Mr Vladimir Putin, stands ready to impart the Japanese martial art of Judo to the next generation of kids aspiring to be as GAR and manly as him.

Of course, the implied message to the West is clear enough. Cross us and our macho Prime Minister will judo your country’s leader clear across the General Assembly at the United Nations Headquarters building in New York. Give Russia enough time and Russian kids who graduated from the Valdimir Putin School of Pure GAR will judo Western kids clear across Eastern Europe.

Mr Barack Obama and Mr John McCain of the United States would do well to procure a copy of the DVD to familiarize themselves with the judo moves that Mr Putin will no doubt employ on either one of them soon.

But hey, at least Mr Obama is young and fit enough to withstand the hard knocks. I doubt Mr John McCain would be able to take a similar level of Russian punishment. After all, there is only so much that a 71 year old senior can do, up against The Man, the very epitome of Russian manhood who singlehandedly stared down the United States and European Union while his country’s forces rolled through Georgia.

So remember Prime Minister Vladimir Putin when you take on the Russians in the upcoming Command and Conquer Red Alert 3. Forgive yourself if you feel a tinge of fear, if you feel that Mr Putin is on his way to you and just waiting for the right moment to bankai and judo you out of your house with one invincible final attack, shounen-style.  Don’t worry, you are not alone. I am sure the leaders of Eastern European countries share the same sentiments…

This is Julius Firefocht, signing off.